Embarking on this new adventure of writing a blog has made think about self honesty. My reason for doing the blog was many fold- become a better communicator, do something creative, stretch myself but mostly because I’m not a good finisher.

There have been many attempts at drawing classes, guitar lessons, diets, budgets, and relationships. My sincerity at the onset was genuine but one thing or another, like frustration regarding my shortcomings, impatience about the learning curve, terror at the thought I didn’t feel like an adult always threw a wrench in the mix. How could I hide that fact in plain sight?

Surely, you jest, I hear people say. A person as responsible as you, who takes care of lots of people, has always worked, taken care of their finances, always remembered people’s birthdays, blah, blah, blah. Those things are easy, a piece of cake. The hard stuff of wearing your heart on your sleeve, being emotionally present was always a little beyond my reach. It was like wearing an uncomfortable suit of clothes, a constant thought of making the wrong move or worse, no move at all. Concrete I can do, abstract floats above me like a ballon flying free.

My hope is that I can scrape away some of the hardened patina that keeps me fully engaged. Navigating the choppy waters of self doubt and self appreciation are a daily challenge. This writing adventure, wow, it scares the hell out of me. I’m not only putting myself out there but now have involved all of you. This road has more curves than Highway 1 in California, just as many scary edges so my hands are on the wheel and my eyes are on that finish line so far down the road.

Rainbows have presence, are a force, however brief. People stop what they are doing to gaze upward into the sky, ooh and ah, find the beginning and the end, perhaps the pot of gold? I have been thinking about rainbows lately. Mostly in the context of how to package them and being of the retail bent, how to market them.

Rainbows would never go on sale, the packaging would be simple and a bit old-fashioned, perhaps a typewriter font, no UPC codes, made in Any Town, USA. I see franchises popping up, providing jobs to those in Any Town, USA where the good life has passed them by. They don’t need a Facebook page or a Twitter tag but maybe Instagram, pictures speak loud than words, after all. Rainbows have universal appeal, no need for demographic studies or marketing gimmicks. Who wouldn’t pay $9.99 for a chance at a rainbow?

There have been times I have tried to capture an image of the rainbow, a sudden downpour on a sunny day. Leaping out of the car, snapping photos, negotiating angles and yet, it slips away . We are foolish humans, trying to capture magic on film, when it teases us and breaks apart in pieces, to come together in a different way on another day. Rainbows don’t play by any rules but their own.

Perhaps this is a pipe dream, liberal scheme or just a wish that the chance at a rainbow could transform the world. Rainbows are free, don’t need to be regulated or licensed, they just show up like an old friend out of the blue. My hopeful self sees a world of possibility and yet, in the recesses of my cynical self, I see opportunists exploiting the rainbow experience. Sigh. Better to keep this genie of an idea in the bottle, securely sealed.