I loved going to the County Fair. It was in a city park when I was a youngster and the transformation was always a thrill. The food trucks would roll in and then the rides like giant insects crawling up the sky. Lots of carny workers, so mysterious and so unlike the people in our small town. Cigarettes dangling, long hair in ponytails, perhaps a little shady but only through the eyes of a 9 year old or the old ladies in town. It lasted 2 weeks and there were musical shows, 4-H competitions, cotton candy and the Ferris Wheel.
It always took me a few days to get up the nerve to stand in the dusty line to the approach to the Ferris Wheel. It didn’t matter if I went by myself or with others, it was me against the Ferris Wheel, steel structure against human flesh & bones. I was never one to be afraid of heights, changes or challenges but the Ferris Wheel represented a loss of control. It was unreliable as to where it might stop or if it stopped at all. I would watch it for a few days to get the rhythm of its motion, the predictability of its stops and starts but it seemed to have a life of its own. I took it personally to conquer the Ferris Wheel, to know when to get on so, horrors of horrors, you wouldn’t stop at the top and sit there, for what seemed like days but was merely minutes. I was probably holding my breath the whole time, my eyes squeezed shut until I felt the structure shudder and move forward. It seems silly to think of it now, child against machine, even imagining that I could win that battle.
This memory popped into my brain yesterday as we navigate this most difficult time, certainly the most damaging of my 60 years. We are stuck at the top of the Ferris Wheel, some of the country has its eyes squeezed shut, some look out upon the big picture and try to find some positivity amongst the ruins of this pandemic. I don’t have an answer or alternative, I’m not a scientist or a doctor but I am an observer. We are our own worst enemy regarding this virus. Viruses don’t have political parties, they aren’t running for office or fund raising. They simply look for hosts to thrive and flourish. We, for the most part, have provided them with luxury hotels because we don’t want to wear a mask or stay home away from large crowds or we MUST get our hair cut. Unfortunately, this is not a sprint but a marathon. We obviously are not, for the most part, dedicated athletes that know how to pace ourselves.
I mourn for the loss of life, the loss of normalcy, live music, dinner with friends, the dismantling of life as we know it. There is going to be lots of carnage, economic chaos, very hard choices. I’m not here to criticize anyone, finding answers about COVID 19 is like finding a needle in a haystack. Science is where I seek the answers and I hope that our leaders can look to scientists to help them with moving forward. My heart is heavy to see my country on life support. See the millions of people without jobs, entrepreneurs without a clue as to how to stay in business and the dedicated people of all professions who go to work everyday and risk their health so other can have a little bit of normalcy.
Ferris Wheels don’t hold the same challenge as they used to when I was a kid, life provides its own challenges, times when we are stuck in a bad situation, have to figure out how to get ourselves moving again. Forward motion is always the best remedy, one foot in front of another.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
Let’s hope Emily Dickinson is right.
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