Ch-Ch-Changes

Humans have a deep loathing of change. Of any kind. From our favorite jeans, to a break up of a relationship or the death of a loved one, we are in no mood for changes. The ironic thing is that change is a constant factor in our lives. One of my favorite quotes about change is from Marcus Aurelius, “Everything is only for a day, both that which remembers and that which is remembered. Observe constantly that all things take place by change, and accustom thyself to consider that the nature of the Universe loves nothing so much as to change the things which are and to make new things like them. For everything that exists is in a manner the seed of that which will be.”

David Bowie sang a song about it, Ch-ch-changes turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes, Time may change me but I can’t trace time. So we get nostalgic about the “old days” when things were easier, people were kinder, more generous and we had no cell phones. I think about the changes my Great Grandfather saw in his lifetime. Men landing on the Moon, computers and answering machines. He was one of the first people in Owosso, Michigan to have a hip replacement. Since he was a high school history teacher, change was a constant to him. His point was to remember the past and not repeat the mistakes of it. The sad reality is we don’t do a very good job of remembering.

People qualify change into the categories of “good” and “bad” but as with most things, it isn’t that simple or straightforward. Take cell phones, for instance. Many people would laud this as a great invention. I often think about 9/11 and the fact that people had phones to call loved ones and say goodbye but to also alert the country on what was really happening. Definitely, good. Dinner time with people who constantly check their phone or worse yet, Answer it!, yikes that is bad! We can all agree that cell phones are amazing tools when used properly and that this change has revolutionized phone use. Remember when you had to wait until you were home to check your answering machine? So much has changed in so little time.

Most of the time, change is forced on us. This is painful, uncomfortable and just downright annoying. We are all like little rats in our own maze of life, going to and fro, down the same path every day until a roadblock forces us to go in another direction. It is scary, nothing is familiar–we don’t have the same prompts or none at all. It can be traumatic and the pain can linger. Everyone has a different style in dealing with it. There is no textbook or checklist to consult, it is just a leap of faith, a feeling that things will get better, that get us to the next step of accepting that change. And sometimes they aren’t better just different. Is it a life lesson or just a random experience?

I’ve had my share of changes, broken relationships, moving to California and back, changing jobs after 20 years, the loss of loved ones, watching beloved friends deal with illnesses and what I have I learned? Mostly, that there is no closure. It is a myth and a disservice to healing. We carry our loves, our break ups, our losses, our victories in a suitcase in our hearts. A messy suitcase with lots of memories, some are laying on top of the pile and some you have to dig deep to find. A file folder of change that has altered the way we see ourselves, others and ultimately the world in which we operate. I can’t say I have embraced all of the changes that have come my way, some I fought tooth and nail, some I had to resign myself to accepting. As Elphaba sings in Wicked, “I don’t know that I’ve been changed for the better but I have been changed for good.”