Ropes are useful to secure mattresses to your car, play tug of war, for hanging a swing in a tree. Sometimes the ties that bind are invisible and unbreakable by the fact that both ends are hanging on but what happens when it is time to let loose, break the chain, the proverbial letting go?
Patterns of accepting less than for too many years fray away at the edges of the rope, work its way into the center until a discernible break is formed. “People are people, that is just the way they are, be the better person, don’t be so demanding and dramatic, just accept the way things are.” Those are phrases used over and over again to justify bad behavior and poor relationships. The vicious cycle of cause and effect that eats away at people who try to right the ship when there are storm clouds, find themselves the odd man out when it comes time for a seat in the lifeboat. The rope doesn’t reach, falling short of the target, leaving you hanging in the wind.
So, how to let go of the rope? We all fear change or think we do. Change is all around us, every second the earth rotates on its axis, we grow another second older, another person dies, another is born. The fear of change is really the fear of staying static, not inching forward but standing still and having everything race past us. By continuing to hang onto the rope, we deny ourselves the chance for new calluses. By continuing to hang onto the rope, we force ourselves to accept less than what we deserve or at the very least, a chance at something different. Something less toxic and cleaner.
I’m loosening my grip on that rope. It’s a struggle to watch the pieces of my life that fall away, some forever lost, some floating slowly to the ground, perhaps slowly enough to catch for another time where a new, stronger rope can be woven. Gilda Radner, talking about her cancer journey, spoke of “sweet ambiguity”, not knowing how the story is going to end despite our desire to tie it all up in a neat little package. I’m ready to be surprised and ready to accept the ambiguity of life without a rope. I’ll save them for tree swings and tug of war.
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